Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Heart of Gold

I went to visit some of my family in Palm Desert this weekend and as I was heading back home, my little sister Ashton did the most unbelievably heartfelt act of kindness I have yet to witness.
She knows of my trip to South Africa, she has a basic understanding of my reason for going and she is aware of some situations these children have experienced. But at 10years old, how much can she really understand? How much of the reality of my trip should she really know about? She's just a child. And yet, she completely understands serving God, giving and being kind to others.
As I was saying bye to everyone, along with a few others that were heading out, she was saddened to find that I was also leaving. I explained that I had to get back home because I have work the next day. And this is the conversation that followed .... "why? who cares? why do you have to work" ..... "well..... because, apparently I'm a grown up and that's what grown ups do. I've got to make money. " ... "oh" ...... "Yep. Stay a child for as long as you can. Don't grow up too fast" ..... "ok". And now that I am typing this, I believe I know the reason behind her next action.
I've got my bag packed, purse, phone, everything set by the door. I was saying bye to my friend Megan as she heads home, my step mom and little brother as they head down to Tot Stop, and my Aunt Dena as she leaves. I realized that I forgot my phone charger so I head back inside. At that very moment Ashton's friend Emily is telling me that I can't leave yet, "Ashton has something to give you." .... I turn aroun to head towards the front door and there is my beautiful little sister standing there holding a handful of money which she had taken from her piggy bank. She doens't really say anything, but I said "you're not giving me your money. Ashton, no, I can't take it." She still held it out and said "for your trip". I took the money out of her hands and with tears in my eyes I hugged her tight. I told her that she was the most wonderful, amazing little sister anyone could ever ask for. I looked at my dad and said "your littlest daughter is awesome". My dad had no idea she planned to give me money, so now his eyes are beginning to water. I asked Ashton why she was crying, she wasn't really sure why. I'm not sure why either of us were, but we were having a moment. A moment like I've never experience before. I couldn't believe her. I'm so completely touched by her act of kindness.
I took the money, not because I needed it, but because I didn't want to deprive her of giving. She obviously felt called to give and it was on her heart to do so. She gave with money that she had been saving; money given on birthdays, money earned by doing chores, her own money. I wouldn't dare takt that away from someone. Especially from someone so wonderfully, beautiful as my littlest sister. I felt God's presence around us during that moment and I will never forget it.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Change in Direction

I was just reading some of my past blogs....from March and before, and it's funny how things change. I mean, I'm not even going in that same direction. I'm on a completely different path. God has changed my course yet again. And I'm so thrilled!

Reading those posts made me realize that I had been focusing on ALL the wrong things. Things I thought would make me happy. Things I felt I needed. And definitely looking for a future in the wrong career choice.
I've never been one to care about designer labels and brands. I'm not current on the latest trends and fads. I really can't stand Louis Vuiton (is that even how you spell it?) and I strongly dislike Juicy Couture purely for the reason that they call themself "couture". You can't be a ready to wear, mass produced clothing line and call yourself couture. What the crap!? And since I used to work for corporate, I know first hand that it's not worth the price. Oh, if you only knew!
And another thing....I don't give a flying leap about celebrities or reality TV. Not in the least. It makes no difference to me who they are, what they wear, drive....etc. I don't care who they're dating, sleeping with, divorcing, gossiping about.
So, I've come to the conclusion, with the help of God and the lack of response from the countless number of potential employers I emailed, that a career in fashion, is just not in the cards for me. And I am 112% okay with that =)
Sure, I still love clothes, accessories and shoes. Don't get me wrong. I am female. One look in my room/closet, which spills into the coat closet and garage (those of you who know me well have seen it) and you know it's still a love of mine. But it's just no longer a deep passion for me to be successful at. I'd much rather be spending my time doing God's work, serving others, living a fullfilled life. Not a life focused on me. Not one that relies on social status, someone else's opinion of you and your work, who you know and what you wear. But one that thrives on serving God. Being passionate about those He loves the most. The Fatherless.

Friday, September 24, 2010

Blessing in Disguise

Here's another thing..... I recently turned 26. How the hell did that happen? 26!? I mean, that's almost ancient!! lol
When I was months away from turning 25 I was freaking out. Literally. I was a wreck. I remember my dad asking me "what's going on with you? you're so short lately on the phone, I can hardly talk to you without you getting all snippy"
Well, what was wrong with me.... I was unhappy with my life, that's what!
My response "well dad, I'm about to be 25, I moved back home (with mom and step dad), I hate my job, I'm nowhere near getting married and I thought for sure I'd be married by now, I can hardly support myself, I'm a re-born born again Christian, in which you'd think life would be easier, but it's not, life is far more complicated, way more difficult, and it just raises a whole other set of questions ....... I really need to do some soul searching.... I'm a mess. What am I doing with my life.....?" My father saying that, really asking me what was wrong, was a huge eye opener for me. I can always count on my dad to be the voice of reason.
Just a few months later, God answered many of my questions, in different ways.
I met a boy. Well, I met a man.......but since we techincally met at Disneyland, I think it's more accurate to say I met a boy. (love you Jacob)
He changed my life. No, I'm not saying that he completed me, because no one can do that. But, he's exactly what I was missing. He added to my life in a way that I never thought was possible. Unfortunately and fortunately, I lost my job just about a week after we became "official" so that added to stress of our relationship. Oh, I think I failed to mention that he lived in Los Gatos, which means I entered myself right into a long distance relationship. Oooo, fun!
I hated my old job anyhow, but it really was not how I wanted things to go. It would have been nice to end things on my own terms but since I had spent 2 years just sittin there being miserable God decided "well, since you're not going to look for another job that would make you happy, and you'd rather sit here wasting your life, guess what? I'm going to pull that right out from underneath you". And yes, that's exactly what He said.
I spent about 9 months doing a lot of soul searching, crying, falling in love, dealing with depression, trying to break things off with the love of my life, crying some more, job searching, more soul searching, sending resumes, flying up North, driving to and from San Diego airport (both joyous and depressing) missing my boyfriend, some more crying, loosing myself, finding myself, and really figuring out who my true friends are.
During the time of crying, applying for jobs and soul searching, I stumbled across an amazing organization called Oasis Haven. Long story short, we put on a concert, formed a small group which became our board and now we're going to South Africa in just a couple of weeks. Life is completely sureal. I had no idea this is where my life would lead. Life is full of surprises.
Stay tuned..... I plan to make this more of a regular habit.
Those never stick though, so....here's hoping!!
After thought....... 26, ain't all that bad ;)



......currently watching Julie & Julia I found motivation to write.

If there's anyone out there that has been reading/following my blog you already know about my plan to go to South Africa with a few other Oasis Haven board members. Well, you'll be happy to know that it is no longer a plan. It is official!! I am in fact going to South Africa!! Yay!!
I am filled with excitement, a little bit of nervousness and some anxiety. I know there is nothing for me to worry about. I've got God on my side, the love and support of my family and friends, a loving and supportive boyfriend, what more could I ask for!? How about a sign.....? Some direction maybe....guidance?
I know that this trip is going to change my life in a HUGE way. I feel it in my very core that when I get back from South Africa, my life as I know it, will have completely changed. And it is going to be so wonderfully amazing I cannot wait!